Tag Archives: sick

The Pain

Can a person cause physical damage to their stomach, or other parts of their digestive system by the size, or speed, or length, of their binge eating session?

I binged last night. And not like a smallish, sorta manageable, have less guilt after, the next day seems normal, kind of binge. Ooooh no. Yesterday’s binge was a take no prisoners, leave no food behind, cause all the bodily pain and discomfort possible, feel all the guilt, have physical problems the next day kind of binge.

I have been feeling sick all day. Sick to my stomach. Sore throat. Headache. Trouble thinking. Distended abdominal area. Inability to eat. Painful abdominal area. Constipation. All of it and then some!

I wanted to call in sick to work today but couldn’t. Then I toyed with going in but saying I was sick and leaving early but I couldn’t do that either. We were short staffed and there was no one to come in. Plus, it is a stat today and I really need the time and a half. So I looked at being there as my punishment for my binge.

It was the longest 8 hours. After work I went for an hour fast walk with a work friend, then I showered and met for a meeting with two other people. During all of that I was feeling sick. I guess I looked it because people asked me if I was ok, when I said I wasn’t feeling well they said they could tell…which is the polite way of saying someone looks like crap. *rolls eyes*

It is almost 11pm, it has been over 24 hours since my binge, and I still hurt. My stomach is still distended. My abdominal area looks like it gained back all the weight I have lost! Not even an exaggeration, it is disgusting. I still feel sick to my stomach. My throat hurts because my stomach was so full yesterday stomach acid was coming up my esophagus. My mouth has been creating more saliva than normal, what’s with that?

Is it possible to cause physical damage from your binge session? Like, can you hit an overload point where your stomach just says “fuck it” and stops working because I feel like the food is still sitting there and it is causing me so many problems.

I am so mad at myself, so incredibly disappointed. I don’t know why I did it, but I sure as shit regret it. I need this pain and sickness to go away. I need the abdominal area to go back to being smaller. I need this to clear up because all I can think about, all I experience, all I feel, is connected to that binge and lemme tell ya, that is putting my head in a dark place I am not sure I know how to get out of.

Whyyyyy did I have to decide to quit my laxatives and other purging methods? I want to take a pill to move this whole thing along so badly buuuut I don’t want to feel guilt over caving and taking something when I am at a record length of time not using any of those methods. Plus, the last time I used them they caused similar physical sensations, bloated, painful abdominal area, weight gain, sick to stomach feeling. I’m scared taking them will make all of my physical problems even worse instead of better.

I am so frustrated I want to cry.

Think an er would pump my stomach and fix this problem if I lied and said I overdosed on something? I did technically overdose, on food, that’s a thing, right?


Back To Restricting

I don’t know about you but I work well with a deadline. If the deadline is far away then it might as well not exist, it has no impact on me, but if it is close and looming over me I am awesome at doing whatever needs to be done.

My newest deadline, well, newest big deadline, is Dec 21 when I go back home for Christmas. I live a province away from all my family so I spend most of the year away from their prying eyes. You’d think this would be great but the stress of going back home usually has me binge eating in the weeks leading up to a visit so I feel like every time I go back I am huge and being judged on my weight. I hate it.

This time however I seem to be doing the opposite. I have been doing a really good job of restricting my calories aaaaaand I have bumped up my exercising so yay!

I think part of what is keeping me from binge eating is that I have a Christmas party coming up on Friday so no way do I want to binge before that, plus, I was super sick not yesterday Monday but the Monday prior and it took a while to get any sort of appetite back. The lack of appetite from being sick is what led me in to my newest bought of restricting. When I was recovering everything tasted weird and nothing settled in my stomach very well so I ate very little and I’ve managed to maintain that. 😀

I am reeeeeally hoping that after the party I will maintain my restrictive eating with as much ease as I have been able to this past week. I think it will be a bit of a struggle because of the stress of going back home but if I keep myself busy enough maybe I’ll be able to ignore that, or at least control it. 🙂

Camera 360

something about this picture captivates me…

Battling A Bug

My work is inundated with sick people and has been for the past month or so. On any given day there are approximately 10 people who are sick, in various stages of the flu. Staff and residents are catching it and so far we don’t seem to be able to control the spread of it all that well.

You’d think since the building is filled with adults we’d all be adept at washing our hands and staying out of public when sick but nope! *rolls eyes*

For the past couple of weeks I’ve been feeling not right. I’m not sick but I think that is only because my immune system is somehow successfully fighting the bug. I’m feeling a bit run down, bit more tired than normal, the other day I thought for sure I was getting sick cause my throat hurt and my nose is sniffly but it hasn’t turned in to anything.

Any normal person would be happy they are managing to not get sick but not me, I want to catch this bug, why the hell haven’t I caught this bug yet?? sigh.

People who are catching this strain of the flu are unable to eat for days, some of them for a whole week! Even without eating they are throwing up, lucky bastards.

One of my co-workers got sick and she’s lost almost 10 pounds because of it. So here I am, purposefully standing beside people who are coughing or sneezing, not washing my hands (unless I’ve just gone to the bathroom or touched a dog or something), made sure I stay tired to weaken my immune system, walk in the cold rain, and nothing. Nothing!

It’s not fair. *pout*

If I could manage to catch this flu I could drop some weight super easy and with the way I am restricting now I know I could keep it off. I love when I get sick and it helps speed up my weight loss but it appears that this time the flu bug is going to skip over me and make me lose the weight the hard way.

Flat tummy!

Flat tummy!

Well That’s New

I’ve been sick for about two weeks now, I’m doing better but it was basically two weeks of omg-someone-kill-me-I-feel-like-shit, ugh. 😛

Normally when I am sick I lose weight super fast, which I loooooove! Hey, if I hafta be sick there might as well be some sort of benefit from it, right?

The reason I lose so much weight is because as soon as I am sick boom! appetite goes completely out of the window and I stop eating. I exist on apple juice and the occasional piece of toast (or something similar). It’s great!

It isn’t an on purpose thing, I don’t plan it, I just lose my appetite when sick, shrug. It’s my body’s choice and who am I to ignore my body?

This time though I didn’t lose nearly as much weight as I usually do. I think I lost a bit, clothes are fitting a bit looser but no where near as much as I am used to losing and what i was expecting to lose. 😦

This makes me quite sad, sigh.

I’ve been trying to figure out why I didn’t lose as much as I usually do and my conclusion is that I have been restricting my food so much even when healthy that when I got sick and my food intake went even lower it wasn’t that big of a shock to my body because I had already been eating super small amounts.

I don’t know how to feel about that, on the one hand yay! that I’ve been restricting so much and so well but on the other hand, boo! that I didn’t lose the weight when sick.

I’m revamping my eating and exercise plan starting tomorrow. i’m hoping the changes will get me results. i’m not going to post the deets about what I am doing until I know if they work or not, if they do then I’ll share, if they don’t then no point in wasting your time having you read something that didn’t end up working, shrug.

Wish me luck! 🙂

so true!

so true!

Stoooopid Internet

I keep trying to write a new post but my internet keeps crapping out, can’t get anywhere close to logging in let alone write anything. 😦

I don’t like writing a post on my phone, it never lets me add a picture to the post and I dunno, just doesn’t look write…ahhh first world problems lol

I’ve been having trouble the last couple weeks, I got sick but with weird symptoms. My abdominal area got all bloated and hurt, any time I ate anything it made the pain worse, I had nooooo appetite (yay!) but even though I was barely eating I was so bloated my clothes actually fit tighter!! Ack! I also had no energy and just felt like crap.

Because of all this I have not been active and my eating has been even more screwy then normal. Not cool!

I still have some abdominal pain, and foods still make me feel sick but I’m getting better and have my energy back so that’s good. 🙂

Thing is, whatever my body went through had some lasting affects because I literally went from one day my clothes fitting or fitting loose to my clothes fitting snug due to the bloating and the bloating has stayed. I am fatter!!!!! 😦

I am NOT impressed!

I know someone who does personal training and designs meal plans etc so I asked her if she thinks she can help me. I have a goal, and a deadline, and I know I can’t reach it without guidance of some sort. She said she’d help so right now we are in the she asks me lots of questions stage and hopefully soon we’ll move into the she tells me what to do and I do it stage lol I really hope she can help, I’ve basically pinned all my hopes on her.

It’s scary cause usually I make my own plans and rely on myself but that hasn’t been helping and I want results already! I don’t like giving up control to someone else but she knows more then me so maybe this’ll be for the best? And if not what harm could I do? If nothing else I’ll have new exercises to incorporate into my workout. 🙂

Starting tomorrow I’m heading back into the land of exercise, I think I’m well enough now for it. I know I’ll feel better once I start moving again, the whole time I’ve been sick and not active I can feeeeel the fat growing on my body. It’s disgusting. Ugh.

I’m going to make an inspiration board and put thinspo pics and quotes on it so every day I see it when I’m getting dressed. I’m sure it will help keep me motivated! Once it’s done I’ll post a pic so you all can see what it looks like. 🙂

Keep strong! We can make it to skinny if we keep trying! 🙂