I wrote the other day about being worried about a thing on my back that may or may not be a sign of cancer.
Happy to report that while the doc says we’ll keep an eye on it…or rather she will since it’s on my freakin back and hard to see!…I don’t need to be worried about it.
On a random note, is it messed up that leading up to the appointment I couldn’t figure out which I was more worried about…the possibility of cancer or having someone see me without a shirt on?
I am single af, have been for a long time, the only parts of me people see are the ones socially acceptable to be showing when out in public, so arms, sometimes legs, shoulders, some cleavage…let’s just say I don’t flash a lot of skin ok?
So leading up to the appointment I was super focused on what I was gonna wear (button up fleece), reminding myself to make sure I shaved my armpits that day (I mean, I don’t let myself get hairy or anything but still! If I’m gonna freak out about one thing I might as well freak out about all things lol), and trying to figure out if I would be able to just slip the shirt down a bit without taking it off…fyi, not possible.
The doctor actually pulled the whole shirt off, while I’m standing there trying to oh so subtly keep it partially in place lol She wanted to see my entire back, I guess if you’re gonna check out a possible cancer spot you might as well check out the whole back…and then the front cause dude, she turned me around and was looking at my front…thank god I wore a pretty bra!…which yes, was another thing I kept reminding myself to do lol
I didn’t share any of my worries at my groups on Monday, not because I think they aren’t a safe environment, but because I didn’t want people I have to see face-to-face to know what was going on. Either it would be cancer and I didn’t want to deal with pity, or I wouldn’t have cancer and I’d come across as a hypochondriac. All I mentioned was I was stressed about something that was happening on Tuesday and distracted, and left it at that. Thankfully nobody pressed about it.
Another kind of random thing from the doc’s appointment, I think she was checking to see how visible my ribs were…once she was done checking my skin for scary things she sat me down and was all “how are you doing” in a serious voice. She never asks me shit like that. I said fine cause, well, what else am I gonna say? She also said I could come in on a regular basis so she could check my skin since my risk of cancer is so high my skin should be monitored. Ugh. Won’t that be fun? *rolls eyes*
But for now I’m going to be happy that all is good skin cancer scare wise and go prep for meal support tomorrow. I hate meal support, which oddly enough, is why I go lol I’ll explain that another day!