Tag Archives: laxative

The Scale

The scale is whack yo.

Yes, apparently I am a 90’s, white boy from suburbia who thinks he is cool today…

Ok not really.

But the scale is pretty fucked up. Or is it me?

My “official” weigh-in is Thursdays. I go to a WW meeting and stand on a scale and if I am asked by someone that week what I weigh, that number is the one I will give. I do however weigh myself at home, often.

My home scale and the WW scale don’t ever match. My home scale usually has me one pound lower than the WW scale, sometimes a pound and a half. You don’t know how fucking irritating it is to see a number on my scale at home the morning of weigh-in and then get to weigh-in and see it up by 1 to 1.5 pounds. Even though I know that increase will be partly due to my clothes, and the humidity in the weigh-in room, and that I hadn’t just right the second before stepping on that scale gone to the bathroom, it doesn’t matter. It pisses me off that my “official” weigh-in is higher than my home scale.

Anyways!

I’m getting on to a tangent, sorry…

So, I knew last Thursday my weight would be up, it wasn’t a great week for me food and exercise wise. There was way more food than there should have been and nowhere near the amount of exercise there should have been and all that results in my becoming an even fatter version of myself.

Lovely.

Two days before my official weigh-in I pulled out the metabolism boosters. I had put them in the back of a cupboard thinking I could stop using them. Apparently I was wrong.

Took some of those.

Then the day before weigh-in I stopped eating so I would be in a state of fasting when I got to the scale and I took some laxatives. I had also put those in the back of the cupboard thinking I could stop using them. You’re probably not shocked to hear I was wrong about that also.

The thing is, I know taking the laxatives isn’t a guaranteed method for helping me before a weigh-in. The box says within 6 hours of taking them I’ll be relieving myself but that timeline never pans out for me.

For me, I ended up going to weigh-in with abdominal pain, I was gassy feeling, felt bloated, and I hadn’t gone to the bathroom.

Why do I take these things?? Or at least why do I wait to take them until the day prior? I should be taking them two days prior but noooooo, I pop em the day before weigh-in, essentially screwing myself over. Ugh.

So yeah, my official weigh-in had me up. Not shocking. It had me up a lot though which was disheartening.

I tried to convince myself it was because I wore a long shirt instead of a tank top, and that the humidity was killing me, and that I hadn’t pooped yet. But really, I ate bad that past week, and I didn’t exercise as much as normal, so the gain was deserved.

Later that same day the laxatives kicked in, yay! I still had abdominal pain but the being bloated and gassy went away after some toilet visits. That evening I stepped on the scale, I normally don’t step on it in the evening cause it messes with my head, but I wanted to see if the bathroom visits had made a difference.

They had not.

In fact, I was up even more than in the morning! I started freaking out, was the scale just going to keep going up and up and up? Was all that food cementing itself in to my fat cells never to leave my body?

I came up with a panicked plan about how to fix all this damage I did by eating the previous week. Not a rational normal person plan, but a back to eating no more than 700 calories a day and popping metabolism boosters like they are candy and exercising every single day sort of plan. Soooo, not a good plan. *rolls eyes*

But hey, do I get points for realizing it wasn’t a good plan?

Probably not…sigh.

I stepped on the scale again today (Friday). The day after my official weigh-in. I don’t know what I was expecting. I mean, yeah, I under ate yesterday, but one day of under eating wasn’t going to take away all that gain on the scale. I guess I just wanted to keep an eye on things.

Well holy shit, the scale changed, and it had gone down! It showed me back at the weight I was at 2 weeks ago.

Thank all the gods!

Now to not screw up the magical loss of those pounds so I can be down on my official weigh-in day next week…

I am not sure if I should villianize the pills because yes ok, they didn’t help me on weigh-in day but ultimately I was down by the day after, so maybe if I’d taken the metabolism boosters on the Monday and the laxatives on the Tuesday I would have had the Wednesday to be gassy etc, and then I might have been down for the Thursday weigh-in?

I don’t know. I get so confused.

Either way, I was in a pretty good mood today once I saw the scale number was down. Though I’m starting to worry about tomorrow and what it will say when I step on it then…seriously, does this cycle ever fucking end?

be perfect

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It’s Not Working Anymore!

Ok, this post might talk about some kinda gross stuff, so…sorry!

I binge eat, and restrict, and then binge eat *rolls eyes* It is a stupid cycle. I wish I could just stick with restricting like I used to but the past year has been the year of binge eating and well, that just sucks.

Sadly, I am not good at purging. I can never seem to make myself throw up so when I binge the food stays in me, making me feel disgusting and sick and fat. Not only does it make me feel fat it actually makes me fat cause ya know, it is in me!

To counter act the food I exercise, and restrict (when I can get my willpower working) and try various pills and supplements and such.

My most recent thing that I tried, and that worked, was taking Cayenne Pepper Pills and Green Tea Pills part way through eating something or right after finishing whatever I am eating. The cayenne pepper pills combined with the green tea pills help to boost your metabolism and (here is a gross part) help you shit out the food super fast. I liked them because they worked and also they are all natural so it isn’t like I am taking a laxative or anything, just a little metabolism booster, and that can’t be so bad, right?

Well…here’s the problem, they don’t work anymore. *pout* I have been binge eating more than normal this past week so for the past couple days as soon as I finish a binge I take those pills and wait for the magic to happen. I know, pretty words don’t make the visual aaaany better. But nothing happened.

Nothing!

And because I have been particularly focused on bodily functions as of late I realized that I’m not expelling nearly as much as I am taking in. Which means it is all sitting in me, making me fatter!

Oh my god just get out of me already! Arg!

So I went old school and popped a laxative but that didn’t do much, not like how they used to, sigh.

Here I am, it is late night, I didn’t take any of the pills today but I am having some intermittent abdominal pain that isn’t indicative of an impending bathroom trip (unfortunately), it is just pain that comes and goes but never goes away completely, ya know? Oh, and to make things even more awesome earlier today when I burped I swear to god bile rose from my stomach and was in my mouth, it was so nasty, ugh. And to top that I have found lately that if I bend over from the waist to say, pick something up, I can feel the bile moving up my throat, but at least when I stand upright again that goes away.

It is not enjoyable at all.

I’ve never had side effects from the cayenne and green tea pills that involved bile or burping or anything like that. The first couple times I took them there was some tummy pain but it didn’t last long and I was forewarned about that but by about the third time taking the pills there was no more pain so I figured my body was all good with them.

I guess my body got too ok with them since they aren’t working anymore but now I don’t know what to do, what to take to help me get rid of this food, sigh.

It would be so much easier if I could just figure out a way to bring it all up, although my dentist is pretty in to details and he might notice the tooth damage that comes with that, sigh.

Although, as I type this I wonder, those pills were kind of a safety net, I knew if I had a binge I could take the pills and help negate some of the damage from the pills but maybe knowing I don’t have the safety net anymore I will be better able to restrict my food intake…hmm…that is something to think about…

I’ve head about teas that help you lose weight, I think it was a Chinese Tea, I saw it reviewed on a YouTube video. I didn’t order it at the time because the review said once you take it don’t go anywhere because you’ll need a bathroom frequently for the rest of the day and I so rarely have days I can stay in for the whole time but maybe I will have to revamp my schedule and make some days like that.

You can’t get to where you want to be without some sacrifices, I can sacrifice my schedule to become skinny, it is the most important thing after all.

go out