I watch a ridiculous amount of YouTube videos that are focused on food. Food prepping. Cooking. Meal plans. Binge eating sessions. Ana videos. Food documentaries. Name it, if it has something to do with food, I’ve probably watched it or a version of it.
When I watch the videos of people showing how they food prep so they have healthy meals ready for the upcoming week I always think “I can do that!” Buuuut the reality is I can’t. I don’t mean I physically can’t, and I’m sure I can find time in the week to set up a meal prep session, but I can’t commit to eating that much food, every day, for an entire week.
Who does that??
A lot of people apparently…
So I watch these videos, feel inspired, think I will try, and then do nothing.
Last night I was watching a “What I Eat In A Day” video (I love those!) and the girl made a smoothie I want to try. All it contained was frozen banana and milk.
I like foods that aren’t a combination of a lot of things, easier to track calories that way. And hey, two ingredients? Perfect!
Now she cut up two bananas the night before and put them in the freezer. The next day she put the two frozen, sliced, bananas in the blender and put “two splashes” of milk in there. She has been making this smoothie for so long she eyeballs the milk amount, I think she said it was 250 ml (1 Cup) of milk, I’ll have to double check that. After blending it is a thick, creamy, cold, smoothie and she swears it is delish. It sure looked delish.
I decided last night I wanted to try that smoothie. If it keeps me filled for a long time than it could be worth the calories, and I wouldn’t mind adding something new to my safe foods, something that is tasty, and easy to make. Plus, people see or hear that you are having a smoothie they automatically think it is healthy and that you are eating healthy so it will help throw people off the fact that I don’t eat all that much most days.
Of course I didn’t have bananas cause that would involve having fresh food in my place and I don’t have a lot of that because I don’t eat it and it goes bad and I can’t afford to spend money on food I don’t eat, shrug. When I was out today I bought bananas and this evening I sliced one, put it in a container and it is now in my freezer, awaiting tomorrow. I couldn’t bring myself to cut up two bananas cause eating (or in this case drinking) two bananas plus milk would be too many calories in one sitting but I think I can manage one banana and half the amount of milk used in the video, maybe…
I’m half excited and half dreading trying the smoothie tomorrow. I’m excited because I’ve been seeing a lot of videos using bananas to make smoothies and banana frozen yoghurt and all kinds of things and I want to try! But I’m also nervous and if I’m being honest a little scared to try it, what if I don’t like it and I’ve wasted those calories? What if I do like it but it doesn’t fill me up for long so I can’t have it again? And there is also just a general fear, fear of food, of new food, of expanding my safe foods because what if it is the beginning of a trend? What if I justify this becoming a safe food and then the day after I make something else a safe food because well, I made this smoothie a safe food so why not loosen the reigns and make something else safe to eat? This could be the beginning of a slipper slope!
I am trying to keep those fears in check, I am trying to not let them take over, to take this opportunity to try a new food away from me. I am trying to stay optimistic, to think that this could turn out to be tasty, and filling, and a new way to eat without feeling like I am eating because I am actually drinking and it could help stop me from eating something higher in calories.
It is hard, it is easier to believe the fear, but I’m trying to not let the fear win, if for no other reason than to not waste the money I spent on the bananas.