So today was day two post-binge. It wasn’t as bad as yesterday but it wasn’t great either. I slept in, on purpose. That part was nice. I eventually had to get up because there were places I had to be and ya know, I need time to groom, shrug.
By the time I got up it had been 18 hours since I had last eaten. It would have been longer but I had a dinner meeting last night and it would have looked weird to be the only person not having something.
Side note, it was pointed out I eat slower than pretty much everyone on the planet, or at least at the table, and one of those people was a 6 year old child. But I did however succeed in making it look like I ate more than I actually did and getting the waiter to take away the uneaten food before anyone could really realize I had left most of my meal uneaten. Is it wrong that I feel proud of that?
Ok, back to the topic at hand.
There I was, waking up, it had been 18 hours since I ate, and I was not hungry. Not very shocking or odd actually, least not for me. I knew that I should eat something before going out though, since I wouldn’t be home for quite a while and I am trying to not go 24 hours or longer with out food. I mean, I like doing that, but I know that isn’t getting me closer to recovery so I am trying to ignore my impulse to do that and ya know, eat more often…gotta say, it sure doesn’t come natural!
I stuck with my favourite food, also not shocking, and made oatmeal. I was a bit worried that eating would kick start my hunger, or make me feel sick again, but it did neither. Just kinda left me neutral.
I still feel like I have gained all my lost weight back because of that stupid binge, and I still feel massive in my abdominal area, so I dressed to hide that area, but I don’t think my stomach is quite as poofed out and bloated as it was yesterday, so hopefully things are settling down.
Something surprising happened, when I woke up but wasn’t out of bed yet I rolled over and was on my side and I hurt. You might be all “crap, what did you injure now!” but not that kind of hurt. My ribs hurt from laying on them. I thiiiiink it is because I lost a lot of fat from around my rib cage area, and with less of a cushion it hurt to lay on them. And not hurt like “omg I am in so much pain” hurt, just hurt like “this is uncomfy, I must change position now”, only, I didn’t change position cause I kinda wanted to keep feeling that pain, because it made me feel like maybe there is hope for me to lose the rest of this fat since I lost enough in that area to make laying down in that position uncomfy. Does any of that make sense?
Probably not, sigh.
As a direct result of my Sunday binge I scaled back my calories a lot today. I ate my oatmeal, a protein bar when out, and an egg with two slices of turkey bacon on a piece of toast, when I got home.
That is a grand total of 542 calories for the day.
I didn’t even have as many drinks today as normal, though that wasn’t a plan, it was cause I was out and well, some days you just can’t manage to take in all your fluids, shrug.
Ya know, I started this post with a purpose and now I can’t remember what I wanted to write about, I managed to distract myself by my own writing lol
I’m still overwhelmed with thoughts about that binge, and with how sickly and in pain I felt from it. The fact that even now I am still having discomfort in my digestive track makes me hope I will be able to remember how bad the results of that binge were and help prevent them in the future.
I think another couple days of super low eating should get me back to normal. I’ve been scared to step on the scale, I can’t handle seeing what the number is, but I’ll probably step on it either Wednesday or Thursday morning. I’ll see how I feel Wednesday and if still not great I’ll give myself one more day. But only one more day, then I have to stand on it and face the damage. Let’s hope by then the number isn’t too high, though with the way I feel right now it probably will be, sigh.
On another side note…I just realized that I think I got through the worst of the post-binge sensations without caving and using any of my metabolism boosters or laxatives or excessive working out…basically I did nothing to try to purge the food…does that count as a win for the recovery side? I think so…I’ll have to ask my case worker and see…