All The Emotions

For a while I was feeling alllllll the emotions, well, the negative unhappy ones, and then I binged on fresh from the oven cookies and now I feel nothing.

I am numb.

I am exhausted.

I am pretty sure under the numbness the binge brought on I am still pissed off and sad though…

My car got broken in to and some stuff stolen. My window is smashed into a million small pieces of glass, my iPod, multiple pairs of sunglasses (cause I’m that weirdo with multiple pairs) and my Kit Kat Crunchy bar are all gone.

Who steals that combination of stuff??

And whats weirder, who steals that combination of stuff but leaves the gps system, the stereo, the insurance that has so much personal info on it ID theft would be crazy easy to accomplish?

Idiots. Or children. Or both.

My car got broken in to and my stuff stolen by idiots who may or may not be children.

I hate people.

I thought I was handling everything ok. I reported to the RCMP. I called my insurance people. I acknowledged there is nothing more I can do today because all the shops were closed when this happened so I cleaned up the mess, emptied the car of everything else, taped up the window with a garbage bag, parked the car so the broken side is right up against the wall of a building, left all the little compartments inside open so anyone who looks in can see there is nothing in the car, put the club on my steering wheel, and am forced to leave it overnight and hope nothing else happens to it.

Tomorrow I will do all the calling to the shops to find one that can fix the damage and provide me with a courtesy car. Tomorrow I can take steps to fix this.

Tonight all I can do is sit, and feel alllll the emotions, and jump between unmanageable anger and tears, until I binged, and now I feel nothing except depressed.

I’m emotionally attached to that iPod, it was a graduation gift, and it is super old so not like anybody else will be able to use it…unless they kept one computer running with old operating software strictly so they could keep using that one old iPod…which I highly doubt.

Not like I can afford to replace the iPod either, so now I am music-less, not really a state I find comfort in. I use music to distract me from my thoughts all the time. When I exercise, when I’m walking, when I’m doing errands, driving, cleaning, random times I take public transit…I am never out of my place without that iPod…and now it is gone.

I want it back.

Obviously my wanting it back won’t get it back, but it doesn’t change that I want it. The best I can do is keep an eye out for someone trying to sell it on Craigslist, so my odds of finding it are slim to none.

I thought I was doing kind of ok when it came to handling things lately but this sent me over the edge in to cookie land. It would have been much worse if I could drive my vehicle and get to the store because all I really wanted was chocolate cake *rolls eyes* The cookies were a compromise. Gotta say, they did the trick.

not ok

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2 thoughts on “All The Emotions

  1. thenext20minutes

    I think it’s okay to feel bad at the moment – that’s awful! I thought I lost my old ipod a few months ago and I hated myself for it because the laptop I used to connect it to doesn’t work, and it has all my favourite songs from when I was about 13. Sentimental stuff. I’m so sorry that some people are so awful. You will be okay! x

    Reply

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