I Have A Confession

I’ve been eating.

Please don’t hate me for failing!

I’m not sure how I feel about the eating, and I’m not really sure what triggered it.

It isn’t binge eating, that I am all to familiar with.

And it isn’t every day all day.

It is just…eating…kinda like a normal person.

It’s weird.

I’ve been eating meals, like, real, kind of normal person type meals…with a protein, and a veg, in portions not as large as other peoples but not as small as I usually eat.

And those meals I have been eating? I eat them more than once a week. Sometimes I eat them twice a day! Two normal person type meals in one day! In my world that is unheard of.

Today I had a vegetarian panini for lunch and for a late dinner I had 1/2 cup of couscous with some veggies mixed in and a chopped up (cooked) all beef hot dog, oh and I put salsa in there too.

wtf.

That is so unlike me.

One meal a day maaaaaybe. I sometimes do that. When I do it is with many days in between the meals but the past week and a half I’ve been eating…I’m not sure how I feel about it.

I don’t know if I look forward to it ending and me going back to restricting, or if I want this to continue for a bit longer to see where it might lead.

I don’t think I have much control over how long it will last since I don’t feel I had any control in it starting.

I am still fat, which makes me want to not eat. But I’ve done loads of research and a lot of so-called experts say people who eat (or don’t eat) like me have messed up their metabolism to crazy bad levels and that makes weight loss that much harder. Which is depressing to hear. A lot of them advocate slowly increasing the amount of calories eaten per day, I think they call it refeeding, until at a “normal” level, then once the body has evened out it will find a healthy balance. Which I am hoping means my body will balance out to a skinnier level.

Or it could be a conspiracy to get us all fatter.

Who knows?

sigh.

All I know is today I ate two meals. Two!

I don’t know what I will eat tomorrow, and the not knowing is scary, because usually I know what I will be eating, if not the specific foods at least the amount of calories.

But this eating of meals thing? I’ve taken it one step worse and not even been tracking my food intake. I just pick foods that are generally considered healthy, and eat them.

It’s like I don’t even know myself anymore.

What do I do?

keep trying

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2 thoughts on “I Have A Confession

    1. foodobsessed79 Post author

      it is freaking me outtttt! lol weird timing though is I’ve been asked more times than I can count over the past 4 days if I’ve lost weight when I figure I must be gaining because of this whole eating thing…strangeness…

      Reply

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