So all my talk about how I am getting back on the wagon asap and being firm with my restricting went right out the window after a horrible horrible day yesterday. sigh. I binged and binged hard! The only saving grace was I also hit up the gym in an attempt to counter act some of the food I put in to my body.
Something annoying? I binged. I waited a bit. I exercised. I felt hungry after exercising. WTF body! You still had god knows how much food in you from the binge and you feel hungry?? Disgusting! Arg!
My hunger lately, when it hits, it’s crazy. It’s more like hangry, ya know, so hungry you become super mad and completely focused on getting food above anything else. When my hunger hits there is no controlling it, there is no “find the strength in the hunger” there is only “eat, eat now or you might die!” which I know is super dramatic but I swear that is what it feels like.
I don’t like it.
It is such a panicked, overwhelming hunger that instead of making smart food choices I am more prone to eating something I shouldn’t, something I don’t necessarily want, because it is there and I feel like I honestly can’t wait another minute before I get food.
I have to get better control over this!
But on to the good day that was promised in the title of this post! lol
Today was a greeeeeat day!
I worked today and the forced structure of having to go to work helped me keep my calories low. Who knew I’d be happy to go to work? lol
After I finish this post I will be going to bed and I am sitting at 699 calories for the day. I love when my daily calories start with a 6! It makes me feel so good about how I did for the day lol 🙂 Normally I am in the 700 range and I know realistically I am sooooo close to 700 I can’t really be all proud of being in the 600 range, mostly I am just happy that I didn’t binge and I didn’t go over the 700 calorie range cause lately, yeah, I have been. *hangs head in shame*
The last time I got solid with my restricting I did it on my days off, I was super strict about what I ate, when, how much, and by the time I had a day where I worked (I had three days off) I was well in to the routine of small portions, eaten far apart, and had gotten good at managing the hunger when I felt it. Lately though my days off feel more like a free-for-all. I have friends over, or I have social activities I have to attend and both involve food. I’ve been dealing with work lunch meetings, and weddings and all sorts of things and while I am generally ok at managing my calories when in my routine I have trouble when not in my routine. How do I get through a wedding dinner with out eating and not having anybody at the table notice? I dunno. How do I go to a work lunch that is catered, sit with all my work mates, and not eat when everyone is passing food and piling even more on your plate than what you took? I dunno. How do you somehow manage to not eat any of the pizza you had to order because your friend was coming over and you owed her dinner and she chose pizza? I dunno.
It is these things, these unpredictable circumstances, that I don’t know how to navigate well.
Today gives me hope! Today I was able to keep my calories low, my activity fairly high, and there was no binge eating. Not only that but there were several opportunities for eating all kinds of food and instead of feeling tempted by the food I just feel “meh”. Like, I know I can’t eat it, so I don’t even bother thinking about eating it. It is like it is dead to me lol That happened when I was grocery shopping after work too! There were pumpkin spice oreos on display right when I walked in the store, and they were on sale, then there was Kraft peanut butter in a collectible package with a teddy bear, then there was all the halloween candy, like omg no wonder our society is so fat! *rolls eyes* but while I took a peek at the pumpkin spice oreos (mostly because I couldn’t tell what they were and was curious) the rest of the items I just breezed on past, not a problem, not a twinge, not a bit of temptation, not a wishful thought.
It was great. 🙂
That, along with my low calorie day makes me feel like I am finally getting back on track. I can limit my food intake but if I am constantly seeing the food that is out there, constantly wanting the foods I can’t have, constantly imagining eating those foods, then I will binge. I know I will. No matter how strong I try to be, I know I will binge. But when I don’t really see the food, when I can walk by it like I don’t need it, or want it, or even acknowledge it, then I know I will be ok.
I got my strength back! I got my willpower back! I got my ability to stick to my calorie limit back!
And that means this was a good day and there will be more to come! 🙂