Sticking To Restricting

For what feels like forever I have been binge eating. I used to be really good at restricting but somewhere along the way I hit a binge cycle that just wouldn’t quit. Even when I was at my most miserable and self-hating I couldn’t make myself stop binge eating. As a result I am now freakin huuuuuuuge! Ugh. 😦

I found myself trying to restrict but not doing a great job of it. I would restrict for a day or two, or maybe three or four, but then I would binge, and not just like, one binge session, but multiple binge sessions over the span of days which completely obliterated any weight loss I had managed to achieve while restricting.

I was stuck in that lovely cycle for quite a while.

However, over the past almost two weeks I have managed to maintain my restricting to the point that I am losing weight daily and feeling like this might be it, this might be the beginning of my new restricting cycle! And oh boy does that make me so incredibly happy! *fist pump*

While binge eating I stopped weighing myself all the time because it was depressing and after I would see the number I would lose all hope in getting skinny and end up in the kitchen. *rolls eyes* So I stuck with weighing myself on Wednesdays only.

Well…limiting myself to stepping on the scale only once a week is also a thing of the past because I weighed myself Wednesday, Thursday and today (it is Saturday) and each time I was a smaller number on the scale, yay! Since Wednesday I have lost 4.5 pounds! FOUR AND A HALF POUNDS PEOPLE!!!

Okay yeah I know, that isn’t some massive number or anything but it is just the beginning and talk about great motivation! This morning when I got up I wasn’t feeling great and was trying to decide if I should go to the gym right away or wait a bit and go later in the day. I stepped on the scale, saw I had gone down 2.5 pounds, got so happy I almost shed happy tears then immediately changed in to my gym clothes and hit the gym.

No way was I going to go make a cup of tea and sit in my apartment when I’d made such a great improvement in my scale number and I could be hightailing it off to the gym to burn even more fat off my body! 🙂 🙂

I am trying to temper my joy with the weight loss with a bit of reality though. I donated blood yesterday so it is most likely the loss of that pint that is resulting in my scale number being down 2.5 pounds since Thursday. My hope though is that with my continued restrictive eating plan and increase in exercise I won’t gain that weight back and in fact it will be a jumping off point to get me even lower in weight. Does that make sense?

Oh, and in case you are wondering why I was allowed to donate blood I made sure to eat something high in iron the night before so my hemoglobin levels would be in the appropriate range. I juuuuust barely made it in to the range though so if I donate again I’ll have to take some iron supplements or something for at least a couple days leading up to my appointment I think…ah well, you can only donate every 56 days or something so I don’t need to worry about it until November.


Oh! And to make things even better I tried on a dress last night that I used to wear until I got too fat for it and it looks so much better! So the initial 5 pounds that I lost combined with the 4.5 pounds I just lost over the past 4 days have totally made a difference with some of my form fitting clothes! When I easily zipped the dress up and actually looked ok in it when I looked in the mirror I did a little happy dance lol I know, I’m such a geek. 😛 I can’t wait until I am skinny and actually look good in things instead of just ok!



3 thoughts on “Sticking To Restricting

  1. ambivalencegirl

    I really wish I didn’t relate to this post. I’m somewhere in the middle of all that. Restricting but not. Losing but gaining. Eating but not bingeing. I’m not allowed to get on the scale unless I’m not eating. But then I don’t know and it’s all so confusing. And I’m thin but I’m fat. And really there’s so much more to life than this sad existence.

    1. foodobsessed79 Post author

      I know there has got to be more to think about than food and what I have eaten and more importantly what I haven’t eaten and what exercise I have done and what other exercise I can fit in to the day but thinking of these things takes up so much time I find I don’t have time for anything else. Sometimes it makes me wonder if there really is more to life than this or if that is just something people say because they hope there is more…

      1. ambivalencegirl

        No, people don’t just say that because they hope there is more, there actually is more. But food is a great distracter. It’s helped me to view food as nourishment and not eating. Sometimes when I feel like bingeing or reach for food I realize that I’m simply tired. Hungry and sleepy feel the same to me. And my body may be signaling that it needs something. Sometimes it is food and I’m legitimately hungry sometimes it is that I need to rest. Sometimes I just need a hug or reassurance or to connect with others. And sometimes I just want to hide out by myself. It’s complicated. I don’t know how old you are. But when I was in my 20’s I believed there was nothing else and that I would never have anything else. But now, many, many years later I have so much more and there is so much more. And my life is richly blessed. Obviously it didn’t cure me. And I’m not 100% happy. But the point is there is more and I’m not immersed in my ED and I’m willing to explore what fueled it in the first place. I can see the ED and the number on the scale as the great distractions that they are. I still love yoga and want to stay healthy and slim but not because my ED drives me to do so. There is more, this much I know to be true.

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