Vacation

I went on a little vacation, back to the city I am from, well, not from but where I did the bulk of my growing up. We moved around a lot when I was a kid but the city we stayed in last is the one I consider home. My immediate family is still there as are a bunch of friends.

Every time I go back I struggle. I feel like I don’t fit in there anymore, though if I am being honest I never felt like I fit in there when I lived there lol. Also, I stay at my parents and I spend almost every minute of every day in the company of someone. I tend to lean towards the introverted side of the scale so that much contact with people, daily, for two weeks is hard for me to take. It also means more people are aware of what I am eating and that is something I really have trouble dealing with.

Nobody in my family, or my circle of friends, knows I struggle with food so trying to appear “normal” for that length of time is really hard for me. Doesn’t help that so many social situations revolve around eating and my mom is constantly trying to get me to eat, or cooking something, or buying extra or special foods specifically for my visit. Its like there are too many food choices and I can’t pick so I don’t eat anything and people tend to notice that, go figure lol šŸ˜‰

I started using my FitBit app to track my food and that helps, I can input what I eat, it keeps track of my calories as well as calculates throughout the day how many calories I have burned so it constantly readjusts for how many calories it says I need a day. I feel I should point out I already programmed it for wanting to lose weight and how quickly I want to lose weight and all that good stuff…that is how it knows how many calories I should be eating.

My FitBit wants me to eat waaaaaaay too much food! As in ridiculous amounts of food! The only way I hit my daily goal (or go over) is if I have a binge and I find some strange satisfaction and pride from looking at my FitBit app and seeing it say I am under my calories for the day. You can also see a bar graph so you can see at a glance if you are under, just right, or over for every day of the week (you can switch the graph to show over the span of months as well) and seeing all those bars in yellow (that means under) makes me feel good about myself. šŸ™‚

Today though oh man, I had a Bikram Yoga class, then some manual labour volunteer work so those two things were my exercise for the day (so far) and I was sitting pretty at an intake of a little over 600 calories. I didn’t want to eat that much but I was sorta ok with it because of how much sweating I already did today. But around 9pm or so my stomach started to hurt. I knew I was hungry, had been feeling low levels of hunger for a while but was ignoring them but the low levels of hunger turned in to pain. As in P.A.I.N! I thought something was trying to eat a hole in my stomach. Ugh. I did not like that!

I went and had a shower, made some tea, drank some water, but nothing was distracting my stomach so I caved and ate something.

I feel ashamed that I couldn’t stay strong and not eat, sigh.

I knew if I was going to eat something it had to be put together and eaten asap or I would not be able to make myself do it so I had 29g of Honey Nut Cheerios with a banana cut up on top and 1/2 cup 1% milk. Ridiculous right?!

Whyyyyy did I eat so much? šŸ˜¦

I annoy myself.

So I went from eating 600 calories to having eaten 910 calories today.

It is no wonder I am still so fat. sigh. Although FitBit wants me to eat 846 more calories, like that is gonna happen! *rolls eyes*

A bonus to using the FitBit app to track my food intake is once people know I am using it to track what I eat they seem to automatically assume I am eating “normally” so I get fewer comments from people about what I am eating.

As much as I love being on vacation I am glad to be back to my place, I live alone so there is no one to see what I am or am not eating, the only food in my kitchen is food I brought in and I jumped full force back in to my exercise routine. My muscles are in pain from how much exercising I’ve been doing since I got back but the good type of pain, ya know? I’m going to do some exercises in my living room after I am done writing this to help counteract the cereal I ate and who knows, maybe tomorrow I will do better! *crosses fingers*

thin girl 4

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