Ok, this post might talk about some kinda gross stuff, so…sorry!
I binge eat, and restrict, and then binge eat *rolls eyes* It is a stupid cycle. I wish I could just stick with restricting like I used to but the past year has been the year of binge eating and well, that just sucks.
Sadly, I am not good at purging. I can never seem to make myself throw up so when I binge the food stays in me, making me feel disgusting and sick and fat. Not only does it make me feel fat it actually makes me fat cause ya know, it is in me!
To counter act the food I exercise, and restrict (when I can get my willpower working) and try various pills and supplements and such.
My most recent thing that I tried, and that worked, was taking Cayenne Pepper Pills and Green Tea Pills part way through eating something or right after finishing whatever I am eating. The cayenne pepper pills combined with the green tea pills help to boost your metabolism and (here is a gross part) help you shit out the food super fast. I liked them because they worked and also they are all natural so it isn’t like I am taking a laxative or anything, just a little metabolism booster, and that can’t be so bad, right?
Well…here’s the problem, they don’t work anymore. *pout* I have been binge eating more than normal this past week so for the past couple days as soon as I finish a binge I take those pills and wait for the magic to happen. I know, pretty words don’t make the visual aaaany better. But nothing happened.
And because I have been particularly focused on bodily functions as of late I realized that I’m not expelling nearly as much as I am taking in. Which means it is all sitting in me, making me fatter!
Oh my god just get out of me already! Arg!
So I went old school and popped a laxative but that didn’t do much, not like how they used to, sigh.
Here I am, it is late night, I didn’t take any of the pills today but I am having some intermittent abdominal pain that isn’t indicative of an impending bathroom trip (unfortunately), it is just pain that comes and goes but never goes away completely, ya know? Oh, and to make things even more awesome earlier today when I burped I swear to god bile rose from my stomach and was in my mouth, it was so nasty, ugh. And to top that I have found lately that if I bend over from the waist to say, pick something up, I can feel the bile moving up my throat, but at least when I stand upright again that goes away.
It is not enjoyable at all.
I’ve never had side effects from the cayenne and green tea pills that involved bile or burping or anything like that. The first couple times I took them there was some tummy pain but it didn’t last long and I was forewarned about that but by about the third time taking the pills there was no more pain so I figured my body was all good with them.
I guess my body got too ok with them since they aren’t working anymore but now I don’t know what to do, what to take to help me get rid of this food, sigh.
It would be so much easier if I could just figure out a way to bring it all up, although my dentist is pretty in to details and he might notice the tooth damage that comes with that, sigh.
Although, as I type this I wonder, those pills were kind of a safety net, I knew if I had a binge I could take the pills and help negate some of the damage from the pills but maybe knowing I don’t have the safety net anymore I will be better able to restrict my food intake…hmm…that is something to think about…
I’ve head about teas that help you lose weight, I think it was a Chinese Tea, I saw it reviewed on a YouTube video. I didn’t order it at the time because the review said once you take it don’t go anywhere because you’ll need a bathroom frequently for the rest of the day and I so rarely have days I can stay in for the whole time but maybe I will have to revamp my schedule and make some days like that.
You can’t get to where you want to be without some sacrifices, I can sacrifice my schedule to become skinny, it is the most important thing after all.