I’m writing this from my tablet so I’m not sure how it will end up looking, hopefully ok!
I somehow ended up having a mini binge at work tonight. 😒 sigh
After all the other staff were gone I had time to kill, I mean yeah I had work to do but not so much I was super rushed so I was taking my time with things and boom! found myself in front of the ice cream cooler.
And what is beside the ice cream cooler? Only the most delish wafer type things, I call them a cookie but they aren’t really a cookie, and the box calls them a wafer. Whatever they are, they are just the right amount of sweetness and taste sooooo good.
So yeah, ice cream and an unknown amount of wafer things. I just kept eating them, one after the other, my mouth was so full if the phone had rung I would not have been able to speak…that can’t be normal!
I would like to say I managed to stop myself but the bell at my desk rung so I had to go help someone which meant leaving the kitchen. Before the bell had rung I was slowly walking towards the kitchen door so I like to think I might have managed to stop eating on my own but to be honest I’m not sure I would have. Which is demoralizing, sigh.
The past couple days I’ve mostly been of the opinion “what does it matter what I eat? I’m a fat useless lump anyways whose been trying to lose weight in a healthy way and failing so I might as well go back to how I was”. Part of me really wants to go back to how I was, my food rules make more sense to me than any healthy eating plan but I want to lose weight and the logical part of my brain says keep trying.
I hate the constant back and forth of my thoughts right now. If I could just pick one way to be than I’d be fine but I can’t seem to commit to one path so I’m not really doing anything.
It’s so frustrating!