A Mini Binge

I’m writing this from my tablet so I’m not sure how it will end up looking, hopefully ok!

I somehow ended up having a mini binge at work tonight. πŸ˜’ sigh

After all the other staff were gone I had time to kill, I mean yeah I had work to do but not so much I was super rushed so I was taking my time with things and boom! found myself in front of the ice cream cooler. 

Uh-oh!

And what is beside the ice cream cooler? Only the most delish wafer type things, I call them a cookie but they aren’t really a cookie, and the box calls them a wafer. Whatever they are, they are just the right amount of sweetness and taste sooooo good. 

So yeah, ice cream and an unknown amount of wafer things. I just kept eating them, one after the other, my mouth was so full if the phone had rung I would not have been able to speak…that can’t be normal! 

I would like to say I managed to stop myself but the bell at my desk rung so I had to go help someone which meant leaving the kitchen.  Before the bell had rung I was slowly walking towards the kitchen door so I like to think I might have managed to stop eating on my own but to be honest I’m not sure I would have. Which is demoralizing, sigh. 

The past couple days I’ve mostly been of the opinion “what does it matter what I eat? I’m a fat useless lump anyways whose been trying to lose weight in a healthy way and failing so I might as well go back to how I was”. Part of me really wants to go back to how I was, my food rules make more sense to me than any healthy eating plan but I want to lose weight and the logical part of my brain says keep trying. 

I hate the constant back and forth of my thoughts right now. If I could just pick one way to be than I’d be fine but I can’t seem to commit to one path so I’m not really doing anything. 

It’s so frustrating!

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