Big Boned

I’ve heard people say “I’m big boned” not in reference to me but in reference to themselves. These weren’t large people, they were normal sized, they just thought they had a larger skeletal frame. To be honest it isn’t something I think about often, the size of my bones I mean.

This evening though a complete stranger told me they could tell I was from where I am from because I am a “big boned girl” and apparently women from my province are big boned.

What the actual fuck?!?!

For starters, that doesn’t even make sense. You can’t tell where someone is from based on their body build, not in my country anyways, it’s not like everyone in Alberta looks one way and everyone in BC looks another way. We’re a freakin immigrant country, we all look different!

Despite what he said not making sense it still really bothered me…I write that as past tense but it is bothering me still, as in this very moment, when it’s been more than ten hours since he said that to me.

Apparently I look big boned.

I still don’t know how to respond to that. I didn’t have a response when he said it to me either, well, I had one in my head but I was at work so I had to be professional and therefore couldn’t say what I was thinking, or punch him which to be honest was what I wanted to do most.

Not like there is ever a good time to have a jackass make a super rude and inappropriate comment on my body to me but this was told to me as I was, for once, feeling fairly ok with how I was looking. I have lost 5.5 pounds, which I know isn’t a lot but it is a start, and I had been thinking all day about how I am on my way to my goal weight and how I was going to make some sort of visual thing to track my weight loss…something like this…

weight jars

I was trying to be positive about my weight loss and thinking about how much more I am going to lose, and how my clothes will fit better, then eventually need to be replaced, how I’ll feel so much better about myself and so much more. Basically I was riding the happy train and feeling a bit better about myself and then this guy came in to my world and I came crashing down. Down to where I was brutally reminded I have a long way to go, a lot of weight to lose, how I may be feeling better inside about how I am doing but on the outside I still look the same, how I am an object that men I have never met feel they can comment on, how I’m still so fat and it is all my fault because I have crap ass eating habits and alternate between restricting and binge eating and my punishment is this.

This body.

This treatment from strangers.

This misery.

I hate that man but I hate myself more for looking the way I do and giving that man something to comment on.

hate myself

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2 thoughts on “Big Boned

    1. foodobsessed79 Post author

      I agree, why people think it is ok to comment on other people’s bodies is beyond me…though I’m certain I’m guilty of doing that to others, just not to their face!

      Reply

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