O.A. Anyone?

Has anyone who reads this blog ever gone to overeaters anonymous? It’s like AA but for people who have issues with food. You don’t have to be an overeater, you can have any type of eating disorder/issue…from my understanding anyways…

that about sums it up

that about sums it up

I’ve been binge eating quite a bit lately and am disgusted by myself. You would not believe how many cookies I ate today and that was after stuffing myself with lasagna (a food I don’t even like!). My stomach hurts, I feel nauseous and I really wish I was even semi-decent at making myself puke cause I know I’d feel better if I could get this food outta me but I never seem able to make myself purge, it’s like I have the most non-existent gag reflex possible, sigh.

Anyways, back to OA, I went to one meeting a couple years ago but it wasn’t the right time for me, it wasn’t the right fit, if that makes any sense? I thought no way I belong there, I have this food thing under control, I can stop over eating and restricting and all the other things I am doing whenever I want, I just don’t want to yet.

But lately I’ve realized that maybe I am wrong. I didn’t want to be binge eating this evening but I couldn’t stop myself. I was bingeing at work, I mean, what if I’d gotten caught?? I’ve always binged in private before but lately it’s been harder and harder to control and now apparently I am bingeing in semi-public. I don’t even want to contemplate what might be next…

After work I searched for an OA meeting, for once I really wanted to talk, out loud, to other people, about what I was feeling/going through. Tho, to be honest if I’d tried to express myself I most likely wouldn’t of known what to say, sigh. There weren’t any meetings though. How can there not be an OA meeting on a Saturday night?!?! Wouldn’t that be considered a prime night for people to need support or help? Or maybe that is just me…

So now I’m at home, prepping my food for work tomorrow, attempting to digest all those freakin cookies and bit by bit I am losing the urge to talk to actual people, losing the urge to get some help in possibly over coming some of my food issues. losing the urge to express myself or even try to figure out for my own self what it is I am feeling. I don’t know why I binge like this, I don’t know why I can’t control it and very rarely do I want to dig deep to figure out why I do these things.

It would appear though that the one time I feel like I want to unburden myself and try to figure out what makes this food beast tick there is no help to be had. No one to go to.

Because apparently I am the only person who needs help on a Saturday night.

skinny red

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4 thoughts on “O.A. Anyone?

    1. foodobsessed79 Post author

      I can’t even work up the nerve to go to an OA meeting, I don’t think I’d be able to handle an AA meeting lol Have you gone to an OA meeting? Did it help? Sorry, you don’t have to answer, it’s not my business after all lol

      Reply
  1. Ilana

    I stumbled across your blog and I’m trying out OA. It’s all hard, but I like having people to talk to who understand! If you ever want to talk, feel free to email me. I don’t know much about OA itself yet, but I do know how to listen.
    Hope you’re having a great week!
    -Ilana

    Reply
    1. foodobsessed79 Post author

      Thanks so much for the offer! That’s really awesome of you. Next time I’m in a needing-to-talk phase I just may take you up on that! 🙂 I still haven’t made it to a meeting, they never seem to be happening when I need them, shrug. They seem like they would be hard, I mean, how are you supposed to admit to a room full of strangers what is going on in your head when you can’t admit it to people you know? Good luck with OA!

      Reply

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