For this week only I have to eat closer to how “normal” people eat. sigh. It is driving me nuts and fyi, I really suck at it!
Why you ask? I have a race this weekend and I have to have energy for it or people will figure out something is up. *irritated face* Soooooo, I am eating, sorta…
Sunday and Monday I took a hard boiled egg and two pieces of turkey bacon with me to work for brekkie. Then I tried the whole eat-every-three-hours-thing, thinking if I had a timeline and structure it might make it easier. It did not.
I was eating when I didn’t feel hungry, and eating foods I didn’t particularly want at that moment in time, but I stuck with it and by Monday night it seemed not easier, but more manageable…probably because after I finished work those days (at 3pm) I didn’t eat again until the following morning so I got to feel like I wasn’t eating so so so much (even though I was!)
Today though was messed up. I slept in super duper late, it was awesome, *happy sigh*, then didn’t eat until 4:30pm or so. But here’s where things went stupid. If I am eating eggs I eat one egg, over easy, with the yolk still runny. This doesn’t vary (well, unless I accidentally break the yolk which sadly has happened here and there). Todaaaaay though, I am so embarrassed by this, I ate three eggs, scrambled, with dill seasoning in them. Three! 3! THREEEEEEE! In one sitting!! Who the fuck does that?!?!?! Setting myself up for a bad food day right there! 😦
After practice I had to stop at Safeway where I was doing fairly well with what I was putting in my food basket until I picked up the package of mini donuts. *rolls eyes* I wasn’t craving them, didn’t want them, but still bought them knowing I would eat them all in one sitting then have to either puke them up or deal with the fact they were in my body. Neither is a good option.
I ate a bunch in the car before I even left the parking lot, I would write how many I ate but I didn’t count them. The only reason I didn’t count them is I honestly thought I’d eat the entire package before my evening was done so why bother with counting how many I ate in the car and how many I ate in the apartment? Seemed pointless to me. Turns out I should have counted. As I was leaving the parking lot I started to feel sick to my stomach, I was already envisioning how good it would feel to purge when I got home because of how off my tummy felt. When I got home I put the groceries away, picked up the donuts, put the donuts down and realized I don’t want the donuts. How can I not want the donuts? They are pretty much my all time fave binge food. But nope, just looking at them was making me feel sick, I couldn’t bare the idea of putting another in my stomach, ugh.
So, um, I didn’t…
How did that happen?!?! Somehow, I didn’t complete my binge…I’m so confused.
I cooked some meat, need my protein for my strength and energy for the weekend, got quite full from that, and still, I didn’t want my mini donuts.
It is now almost 2am, I can see the donuts from where I am sitting but just looking at them makes my stomach feel queasy and I just know that I won’t be eating anymore of them (well, at last for tonight, who knows what will happen tomorrow *rolls eyes*)
I had one time where I managed to avoid a binge, but stop a binge part way through? That’s a new one, for me anyways…maybe lots of people do that?
I have been feeling icky from eating so much the past couple days, I’ve been keeping strict calorie counts so I don’t eat too too much but really, I feel like I am going nuts over here. Usually I only eat this many calories in a day if I binged…
Typically, this week I am eating in a day:
one egg, two slices turkey bacon, single serving Quaker oatmeal, one chicken breast sliced on top of a salad, and some fruit. If I exercise that day I also get my protein shake, although I exercised today and yesterday and didn’t make my protein shake cause I couldn’t bare to put anymore calories in my body…
That’s a lot, right? To me it seems like a lot! 😦 I love race weekends but I can’t wait till this one is over so I can go back to restrictive eating and stop being such a porker.