Good, Then Bad, Then Worse, Then OK

Holy crap. Those are the only two words needed to sum up the past 4-5 days.

On Saturday I was so proud of myself, I barely ate anything! And what I did eat was all safe foods so yah for me! I felt low level hungry all day and I enjoyed the feeling, I knew that feeling hungry meant I was not gaining weight. đŸ˜€ I read a quote somewhere along the way and it said: Hunger pangs are fat leaving the body. I freakin love that quote! So all day Saturday I thought that while I felt hungry and inside I gloated that I was getting better at this whole not-eating thang. đŸ˜€

Then some sad news, someone I know died and I had to go out of town last minute to attend the funeral. Sadness. I left super early Sunday morning and hit up a Tim Horton’s on the way out of town. I know I shouldn’t have ordered it but I woke up feeling hungry and knew I was in for a 4 hour drive so I ordered a breakfast sandwich, some tim bits and a large tea. I also had in the car with me a huge thing of water, a diet coke and some snacky foods, none of it safe or healthy. sigh. I ended up binge eating during the 4 hour car ride! wtf is wrong with me?!?! I’d done so well the day before and then that day it was like I couldn’t keep food out of my mouth while driving. Pathetic. What is worse is it was one of those days where I was feeling sick-hungry all day. Do you ever have those days? Where you feel not only hungry but nauseous because of being hungry? Oh! And on top of that, the friend I was gonna be hanging with while out of town always notices what I do or do not eat so when I decided to not eat anything at the wake she insisted I have food and when I only took fruit and veggies she insisted I get some sandwiches (they were made with white bread for fucks sake, White!!) and well, lets just say not only did I not get away with not eating anything I also had no opportunity to get away to the bathroom to bring any of it up. Disgraceful.

Later that same day my friend and I totally binged on left overs from the wake, it was like I was starving or something, all I wanted was food and more food and even more food. I eventually ate enough fruits and veggies to feel not so desperate for food, and drank a bunch of tea and water, but the damage was done. All the greatness from not eating the day before was right out the window. Grr!

Monday was even worse, if you can believe that is possible! I was driving back home so another stop at Tim Horton’s to get food for the trip back. That time I got a sandwich and a donught and of course my tea. I also got an iced capp, and I had my huge bottle of water and another diet coke. I ate my way through the road trip and when I got home felt icky in my tummy. I was home late enough in the evening I wasn’t going anywhere so I chilled at home, ended up eating some chocolate, almost ate some KD but realized the sensation in my stomach was not hunger but something else (I’m still not sure what…) so I drank some more water and went to bed.

Tuesday I ate the KD I didn’t eat the day before, fuuuuuuuck! The whole freakin box of it! đŸ˜¦ Way way way later in the day i ate some canned peach slices cause I was desperate for a fruit/fresh sensation in my mouth. The KD left me feeling so sick to my stomach I wasn’t able to go out that evening like I was supposed to. I felt sick, and sluggish, and tired, and depressed. But hey, that’s what eating all that pasta will do to you right? Lesson re-learned! Stay away from the pasta!! 

Today was an ok day. I had some cereal and a banana for my breakfast/lunch, and tea and water of course! Then after practice I had a weird dinner, there was protein, some carbs, not a lot of veg which for me is super strange, and, hmm, that’s it I think. I know why I ate so weird. After practice I went grocery shopping and that is always dangerous cause I am (1) always hungry after participating in any kind of sport and (2) I feel I can be more lenient with what I eat if it is my after practice meal (a trainer told me this, if you are going to eat carbs eat them after you’ve done an intense workout cause your body will burn them off super quick!)  Dangerous knowledge to have!

Tomorrow I think I will be back on track, I’ve just got to get to tomorrow…

I should gag myself until I learn proper control, sigh.

I should gag myself until I learn proper control, sigh.


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